HI THERE

at one thirty i met bron under the bridge by the merri creek. i admired her top which had octopus on it. she told me she always referred to them as squid, but really, they did look like octopus.

we had a cigarette, and then walked across the field to catch the 112.

i had asked her at the last minute if she would come with me to the hospital and she was in like flynn. it's amazing when you can count on someone, isn't it? we went to the third floor, next door to the building in which i came into the world.

the nurse collected about 20 needles and 10 syringes and a giant box of swabs. she brought them to the table with a yellow sharps bin, some fake flesh, two frozen packets of goo "for when i go away" and two more bags, one for me to keep everything it, and one to take everything home with.

first she flips the lid off the ampule. then she swabs the top of it with alcohol. she teaches me how draw up the drug into the syringe. she shows me how to get rid of the bubbles, then how to swap needles and choose the injection site. she shows me how to inject at a 45% angle; you pierce the skin (that is when it hurts the most) push it in a few centimetres. if i am scared that i've hit a vein, she says i can pull up on the needle and if there's blood, i need to find a new spot to inject. then i push down on the needle, strong and hard and at a good speed. then i grab some cotton wool, and pull the needle out and apply pressure to the puncture.

we try it a few times with water into the fake skin.

i am shaking because of my anti-seizure medication. i tell her that this makes me nervous. i want a two steady hands. but she reassures me that i'll be fine. ok sister mary. i believe you.

i noticed that on the lanyard she wears around her neck, there is a keyring from hawaii.
i wonder to myself if she's been to hawaii, or did someone bring it back for her?

she asked bron if she'd like a try of it. bron says yes and injects into the fake flesh.

(btw, i don't know who's flesh it was meant to look like. it as sure as hell looked nothing like mine.)

and so now, she asks me if i am ready. i am. there is nothing to stop me. i walk to the bathroom and wash my hands and look myself in the mirror and see myself as strong. i can do this.

so i was injecting myself in the top of my right thigh. i choose this spot.

i pushed in the needle, and it hurt. the skin on your thigh up the top there is pretty thick. got to push hard into it. i was a tiny bit hesitant. i'll try to not be next week. it hurt and i pushed through it and down about three or four centimetres. then i started pushing down on the syringe. it felt very very warm inside where i was pushing it. i told sister mary but she didn't seem concerned, so i kept going. .8ml went in, and i pulled out the needle. again, pain. but this time it was only little pain. a little blood leaked out of me.

then i looked at the needle. there was a bit of my tissue on the tip of it. me. that was a bit of me! on a needle!
wild!

she handed me the sharps bin and i disposed of the needle and syringe.

next week i will take photos of it. maybe. or maybe the week after. so far, i haven't felt as sick as i usually do. i am so tired, so so tired, but i can eat! it is marvellous.

so, in conclusion:

chemotherapy via tablets = SUCKS ARSE
chemotherapy via injection = SUCKS LESS ARSE