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Aug. 28th, 2005 06:04 pmi wish i had even the tiniest bit of sophistication.
i know sophistication is overrated, but i feel like a small child a lot. sometimes i'd like a change.
so much is going on. the case, the body, the heart and the mind. i'm all over the place.
completely splintered.
here is a thought: when i have enough money, if that ever happens, i want to learn to find my voice. it's there and i have these dreams where i can sing with no fears and i don't hold anything back. this year my voice left me. with my world crumbling into a mass of unknown territory, it just up and left. i have confidence that it will decide to return when all this shit is resolved. and then maybe i will sing my heart out. i will celebrate it's return and sing it's new beginnings.
this afternoon i was napping. i could see the beautiful golden daffodils on my desk which suzi had just given to me. i could smell the beautiful sweet wattle that eleven had picked and given to me this week. i could hear con and nicki, our landlords, out the front, pruning the orange and lemon trees, and handing out bags of our extra fruit to people walking down the street. i was warm, the sun was here and it was perfect. i took a photo to help me remember.
i know sophistication is overrated, but i feel like a small child a lot. sometimes i'd like a change.
so much is going on. the case, the body, the heart and the mind. i'm all over the place.
completely splintered.
here is a thought: when i have enough money, if that ever happens, i want to learn to find my voice. it's there and i have these dreams where i can sing with no fears and i don't hold anything back. this year my voice left me. with my world crumbling into a mass of unknown territory, it just up and left. i have confidence that it will decide to return when all this shit is resolved. and then maybe i will sing my heart out. i will celebrate it's return and sing it's new beginnings.
this afternoon i was napping. i could see the beautiful golden daffodils on my desk which suzi had just given to me. i could smell the beautiful sweet wattle that eleven had picked and given to me this week. i could hear con and nicki, our landlords, out the front, pruning the orange and lemon trees, and handing out bags of our extra fruit to people walking down the street. i was warm, the sun was here and it was perfect. i took a photo to help me remember.
