- RIP Perry DeAngelis, 1963 - 2007, a skeptic of some note. the monkeys have won, perry. You will be missed.
- peace to greece: australia feels your pain. we know of the fires.
- there was a really large huntswoman in our bathroom a couple of nights ago. we both cried like little babies (not really), and got our neighbour to come in an facilitate a removal for us. she performed like a fucking trooper but the spider decided to leave our little meeting. she decided she would have no part of the removal and has moved into the wall. her abdomen was fat. i hope she is not with child(ren). we’ve blocked up all the holes in our rooms, except for a couple of really big ones in the bathroom.
- “kevin - oh - seven - dot - com - au”
- today i did one of those vomits when you are sure you are going to pass out. yeah. too many hard dreams. tired.
I stayed up for 48 hours to try and reset my body clock. I think it worked. Last time it lasted for weeks. During those 48 hours awake I wondered if it was something i’ll need to do every month or so.
It was remarkably exhausting. Bed was like a long lost lover who’s arm’s were like a nearly forgotten home. I dreamed of wild and beautiful things. I stayed warm. I don’t want to leave now.
I just heard from Bear. She’s home at Bear Bottom Bend, the lands that my heart feels closest to. XI is still in the Top End. Bear travelled hard. I think it was exhausting for her. Poor bugger.
So now I will shower and gather myself up and get to this meeting with a client in ye olde Collingwood. After that, i’ll come home and sift through those 191 messages waiting in that fat ol’ inbox of mine. In the meantime, I will soothe an unhappy belly (i’m all nerves all of a sudden? hello? where the fuck did you just come from?) and listen to beautiful sounds on my sexy new Sennheiser’s.
Now It is time to jump in the shower and become clothed. And hopefully calm down somehow.Listen to this podcast
today i met an 11 year old golden called holly, she was very good.
having sufficient lighting is so fucking ace.
whole lotta pain. left foot is just about to succumb i think. having to rest my legs a lot. suzi says it's good to rest them.
RESTING IS SO BORING AFTER YOU'VE RESTED FOR YEARS AND YEARS.
i keep having dreams where i am free in my body. i can fly, i can run, i can dance. it feels wonderful. waking up and not being able to move much ruins my reckless want and desire to be a more active tiger.
skin is slowly improving.
sometimes i lose my patience with humanity. and myself. that's alright though.
watching a lot of louis theroux's docs; nazis, swingers, survivalists*, white supremists, black supremists, brothels, the porn industry. he deserves a big slap on the back. he's really rather good.
well that's probably enough for now. i should try to sleep.
* the hippie survivalist who lives underground in a hobbit house was so kickarse. the most beautiful antithesis of paranoid hating ever. i wish to go and eat huckleberry pancakes with him. I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE LAND TO EMBRACE ME! it will be such a good time for me. fuck. i love lands so hard.
things are good if a little sore.
tonight it rained, today i saw somsom and my sister.
somsom bought me kickarse split enz records and my sister bought herself.
today felt productive.
friendly visits, then lazy therapy, followed by rheumatology clinic at ye olde hospital. afterwards i went to piedemontes and bought hommus and spicy pumpkin dip and came home to suzi and we snuggled warmly on the couch.
sometimes straightforward days are ace.
today was one of them.
but then again, i am sure we all wish that, right?
and maybe that's going to be really really fun.
my life really is pretty good. especially when i push all of the sore bits under the carpet for an hour or so.
ETA: vomits started before i had a chance to leave the house. am reassessing what i can do right now that's not overreaching for my body.
Farouk: He say plane fly overhead, drop value. In Beirut, plane fly over, drop bomb. I like these planes.
Darryl Kerrigan: Dale dug a hole. Tell ‘em Dale.
Dale Kerrigan: I dug a hole.
Dale Kerrigan: Mum said it was funny how one day you’re not famous, and the next day you are. Famous. And then you’re not again.
the castle is such a beautiful, beautiful piece of australian cinema.Listen to this podcast
IT JUST WON’T RATE
HE WANT TO GET HIGHER
APPLE ISLE, THE INBRED SMILE
HE’S GONNA GET BYA
HIS MOTHER’S HAND
HE COULD NOT STAND
HE LEFT FOR THE ISLANDS
TO FISH AND HUNT
TO TAKE A PUNT
THE NEW GUINEA HIGHLAND
OH ERROL - I WOULD GIVE
EVERYTHING, JUST TO BE LIKE HIM
HE HAD TO GO
HE’S SAILIN’ THE HIGH SEAS
HOLLYWOOD, CAPTAIN BLOOD
HE’S BILLING THE NAZI’S
TOOK A REBEL STAND
WITH THE CONTRABAND
COAST OF MEXICO
HE WANT TO POUNCE
LIKE AN ANIMAL
TO GIRLS HE JUST CAN’T SAY NO
HE HAD THEM ALL
SCREAMIN’ FOR MORE
HE PLAY THE WILD SCENE
AH SCANDALISE, NO COMPRISE
HE’S DOWN ON HIS KNEES
HE WAS THE KING
THE TOAST OF TINSEL TOWN
THEY BUILD HIM UP
THEY TOOK IT ALL
AND THEY JUST CUT HIM DOWN
Don’t tell me it’s true, i don’t wanna hear about it.Listen to this podcast
punk rock craft fair and fatgirl clothing swap
which rural town would you move to or live in?
why i like tea tree
(edited to add: i think the period after camping is very good.)Listen to this podcast
hello teh internets.
1. can you point me in the direction of any firm scientific evidence to support the healing art of homeopathy?
2. i did my washing! i cleaned my room! small miracles!
3. lots of migraines. they are interesting. i am doing a lot of sleeping. horizontal subconscious exploration of my brain.
4. dreams: lots of water, tides, stairs and tricks. i can do so many tricks!
5. ooooh it’s raining. i keep asking the goddess to bring more, to make it last longer, to bring the sweet smell of winter rain. i am thankful.
6. please: tell me the names of songs that are good to dance to and are happy-making. i am building a songlist for a dis!go me and somsom will run at the gathering next year. so far it’s all scissor sisters and jamiroquai and peaches and goldfrapp. a little beyonce and dsico. am i missing anything? i am so out of my league. help!
i am trying very hard to eat better. getting vitamins in if nothing else. hydrated. fruit. i need to buy my melatonin and get focused on my sleeping. i just want it to keep raining. more rain, more rain. please, please to more rain.
itchy. owls. owls. lots of national geographic magazines. beautiful things can be lovely. that is very unbuddhist. but that’s me. and that is ok!
want to get back in the pool. anyone want to run to the pool with me lots? or even a little? or even once? i am totally in lust with maribyrnong aquatic centre. !zomg it is so my perfect match.
cats are in my room.
my precious heart, noukie, was involved in some sort of accident a few days ago. she is bruised and a little traumatised and sore, but she is ok. i am giving her lots of warmth and soft places to sleep in, and i’ve been asleep for days, and she’s snoozing with me then too. she is my best little friend. precioused bubba nouk. send her your healing love and thoughts. i know that would please her.
ps: maybe tmi for a few of you. you've been warned.
i just want to remember how nice it felt.
all of it.
just small moments of wonder and wonderment.
smells. climates. plants. birds. all of the birds. tiger. baby tigers. my sister! a. c. s. m. r. d. t. s. b. s. am i forgetting names? and maeve! and the awesome cripchair i hired for three days. just everyone, all the women and creatures and the plants and the weather and the smells and sounds. it made me very very very happy. i want to thank you.
there is a forceful wind, full of might and it is making one of my teeth hurt. it is crazy wild and it makes me relieved that there is some rain and some real winter finally. it feels like it’s been years… this headline from the age “Great news: it’ll be cold, wet, miserable”; it’s so exciting!
observation: tonight when i was injecting the chemo, the needle was so blunt that i had to roar like “!RAWR” to deal with the pain of it slodging through into my quadricep. i ended up having three entry sites and blood. must research to find out if i can sharpen the needle myself before using it. ok!
and, batrouney.Listen to this podcast
a single present: a drawing from bron of my favourite plant at bruce street. lightly coloured with pencils. i treasure my one gift and have hung it on my wall. it is beautiful and full of love. i am thankful to have a heartsisterfriend such as bron.
last night, dogsitting tui while her human was in hospital having surgery. tui was good. she was patient and didn't cry when i slept in. her favourite game is give ball, and her best thing is tricks she and her human do with hula hoops. she even bought her own kennel. whippet/kelpie crosses are really nice.
tomorrow: mailing things for the 3 dirtys who are on tour, sorting out a time to meet with the police, cleaning my teeth and i don't know what else. i have hopes that it will be happyful and slow and long.
ps: noukie met tui and ran up to the top of me, tearing her claws through my scalp, ears and face. i look like i have been attacked by wolves, but no. noukie just scratched the fuck outta me. more warrior scars.
in a few hours i have to go to police headquarters and work with a police artist for the afternoon to get a ID drawn up of his face.
i am doing fine. i just really want out of the city sooner. and that is completely understandable, considering.
tonight, noukie's voice was croaky. it made us laugh a lot.
i want a study date with bron that i actually turn up to on time.
it's my birthday on sunday. i will go to the zoo. and then swimming. and then i don't know. good things. fuck it, great things.
last night i dreamed of being in a ship at sea. the ocean was as rough as guts. the ship moved precariously from side to side. i was sure glad to get back onto dry land. srsly. i was bleeding an amazing brightly red coloured blood out of my cunt. i kind of felt suprised when i awoke and found no bleeding was happening.
seachange. dan and max and meredith. such delicious characters.
now i'll feed the cats and pee and try and sleep.
goodnight, dear friends.
and remind yourself to not read the past.
because all there is, is now.
silent love. oceans. lands. time. growing.
yellow tigerlilies, a tacky ornate gold mirror on the wall, books about appalachia. a bird book next to me, ancestor mothers on the wall. photographs of old friends, adventures, times. the image of a rusted bath in an overgrown field:
these are fragments of me.
were you ever scared of something you couldn't see? nervous about impending nothings? i'm not sad or depressed. i'm nervous. anxious.
i don't know what it is.
maybe, all i need is a good rain.