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[personal profile] owly
1. memory.

an entry in a non fiction book from my youth:

the most concise correspondence ever mailed was a postcard sent from one man to his friend, asking simply "?". in response, his friend wrote back "!".

2. present day.

so very very sore. right knee was out for 2 or 3 seconds while i was standing in the kitchen washing my dishes from dinner. fuck fuck fuck. i got really angry and swore like buggery at it. that made me feel mildly better. i'll have a ripper bruise and crutches for a while. and for the immediate future, this pain of a ripping quality. i know it can't be that bad. if it was i couldn't straighten or bend it.

inside, it feels like the big fibre that is between my patella and tibia (i think it's one of the cruciate ligaments) has been stretched beyond it's limits or it's torn very slightly. that's me being honest with myself.

you see, at this point i am doing anything i can do to avoid a doctor touching my knee. and surgery and hospital and ptsd. i am not ready. no no no. i shall nurture myself and let my knee heal and sleep with intent on healing work through my dreams.


i feel like,

i remember,

is familiar,
is close,
is a smell,
is a feeling,
is a fear,
is imminent,
is my walk.

(turn it all around, alana, allow it to strengthen you. use this confrontation of your fear to arm yourself against future fear.)
ok. i will try.

3. miscellaneous item.

there are noises in the front yard. at first i thought it was an orange falling. it's orange falling season. but no. the noises continue. like rustling in the tree out there. then i got scared that it was a prowler. but no, the dogs would have heard him. so that leaves other creatures. bat? possum? cat? mutant rat? king henry of the testes is keenly interested. he's sitting on the windowsill. also, apples are very delicious right now
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owly: (Default)

August 2007

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